It’s been a while since I’ve talked about you personally. I’m not sure if I can already talk about it again without getting nostalgic. Maybe it’s because I’ve met someone after what happened to us. Or maybe bacause I know I’m still hurting in some ways. Even though it’s been a year since it happened.
You don’t remember, do you? You don’t even admit to feeling the same way. I think you never did, really. It was just me and my over working imagination thinking what I’ve felt was mutual.
How long has it been since we first met? Eight years? Nine? I can’t be sure. But I’ll tell you what, that moment, it felt magical. You probably knew me before I heard about you. I’m not really that good knowing people from other class. But I’m one of the active members of our class so you might’ve already heard about me.
It’s that cliché story of heartbreak. We’ve came across each other. We talked. We got closer. We share secrets. We tell each other (some, or maybe most) of our feelings. Everybody could tell we could work. Everybody sees it. But us. I waited. I waited because I though we belong to each other and that maybe you just needed a little push. That maybe we’re both waiting to be ready. I waited for years. You showed me that you cared. You made me feel that what I felt was mutual. Or was it just me?
Years went by and you were sweeter than usual. We were sweeter than usual. And then all of a sudden, I can’t find you. You weren’t texting, you weren’t calling, let alone a Facebook status. It’s been a few weeks and I was so paranoid. What have I done wrong?
Then one morning, you changed your Facebook profile photo. A photo of you and her. And that moment, when my heart was breaking into pieces, I was so sure I’ve already lost you. I will never find you again and I will never get you back.
And I know you’re happy now. And sometimes I get that twinge of feeling that I miss you. Or maybe I just missed how you used to be. How we used to be. But I know I can never have that back. I can never have us back. You’re gone forever and you’ll never return no matter how long I wait.
So one day, I just stopped. I stopped waiting. I stopped caring. I stopped hurting. I don’t know how it happened but I just did. You don’t cross my mind that much anymore. I don’t miss you anymore. And I learned how it is without you.
My heart doesn’t echo your name anymore. And it’s on its way finding what’s meant for me.
