Inside is a Coward

People who don't know me so much may find me tough. They may say I'm
too strong that I can handle anything. But they don't know one thing
about me. If that's what they think then they don't know me at all.

They don't know the fact that I cry in my sleep every night. They
don't know that I shiver in fear behind their backs. They don't know
that behind the tough exterior is a weak coward underneath.

That's a thing about always having to be the strong one...no one ever
notices when you're not okay. No one cares for you because they know
you can handle yourself.

But they don't know about your fears...they don't know about your
tears...they don't know about the secrets that you spend so much time
to keep.


-S-

Feelimg Better Now

I feel infinite.

Well, that may not be an original line from me, but that's how I
feel... INFINITE.

It's like just by smiling, even to just myself, I'm feeling great. I'm
feeling totally complete. Like good vibes are so abundant and I'm
getting them all.

Maybe it's because God did not let me down. Well, He never let anyone
down. But still, He knew when to give the right things at the right
moment, even when I'm not asking.

I hope this optimism last forever. *wink*


-S-

That Girl Is Poison

She's toxic. And I so had enough of her. I mean, she's like the kind
of person who you don't like when you first met her...but when you got
to know her better, you'll hate her.

I hate her. I hate her because she hates me. And it's not because I'm
a bitter cow. But she's just too irritating, annoying, nonsensical,
and delusional. I haven't met a person much worse than her in my life.
She's one of a kind. Really.

At first, I thought she just might have a really eccentric
personality. That maybe, I'm being prejudice and it's not fair on her
part. So I decided maybe it all takes a little more patience on my
part. I decided to give her a lot more chance since I have no choice
but to see her everyday. But something happened. And I guess, she
doesn't deserve the patience I'm willing to give to her.

It was when I checked my facebook account. There's a newsfeed posted
by her that says something really really mean about me. She said all
her sentiments, making a really absurd and offensive story. I don't
want to feel offended but she's seriously making things up. And I'm
hurt.

I have no idea whether she intended for me to read that or if she'd
just forgot that we're 'friends' on Facebook.

So now, everytime I'll see her, I can't forget what I've read. I know
how fake she is when she smiles at me. You know, it's like fake is the
new trend and she seems to be in style.

The worst is that I'd have to put up with her until the near end of
February. So maybe I'll need a longer rope of patience to survive her
attitude.

So wish me luck.


-S-

A New Year Promise

It's 2013 but nothing has changed. It's still the same old chaos, the
same old me. I mean, why do we think we are compelled to change just
because the year does? Why do we need to be different from who we were
one year ago? Does it have something to do with what they call growing
up?

Maybe. But growing up just means being much a much better version of
yourself (especially in public) and not totally different. But was it
a curse to be always the same?

I don't think so. I mean, I don't think anyone stays the same.
Everybody changes. Even if you don't think you change, you sure do.
It's the only constant thing in this world, remember?

Everyone thinks they need to be much better than who they were a year
ago. But nobody really can tell how you've been, right? It's always
been a broken promise. Something that we never really do in the course
of a year.

So what do I do now? I guess just go with the flow...just find out
what will happen next. As long as I knew what to do next, then I'm
fine with that. I'm gonna be okay. I don't need the big picture yet.
It'll just make me think how far I am to my dream.


-S-

Severe Case of Writer's Block

O-kaaay.

I'm supposed to be writing the 10th chapter for my short novel. But
I'm just not sure how to start. I know how I want the chapter to go. I
just can't muster enough creative energy to actually write something.

My creative nerves suddenly left me without a warning. I can't even
start with a word. And the crazy thing is that the climax of the whole
story is supposed to start in the 10th chapter.

Ugh. I'm pathetic right now. I wish I could finish the whole story on February.


-S-