I Hate That I Hate You... Sometimes

 I know it’s insane to write this down here. But I b had no choice. I know I have to blurt it out somehow… ever I’m aware of the big risk of YOU reading this.

I know I shouldn’t hate you. I know you know I don’t hate you. But it’s crazy. I hate myself for hating you at times when you’re the most irritating and annoying person around. I know I act like the greatest actress on the planet. But seriously, I didn’t want to be a hating psychopath. I never want to be someone who has those hating grudges inside me. But everytime we’re together, I’m being the biggest sinner on earth.

I want YOU to read this. But I don’t want to tell your name. you’ll hate me back when you read this. You may even loath me. But just so you know, even though there are time that I hate you, I still care. I will always care.

I know. It’s odd. It’s weird.

But if ever you’re reading this, I’m sorry. And I promise that I will try not to hate you. Because when I’m realizing I hate you, I’m hating myself more. And that feeling sucks so bad.

I’m really, seriously, genuinely SORRY.

-S-

RUNAWAY PRINCESS

I know life has the mere tendency to be complicated. I know a lot of people consider it unfair. There’s that thick wall separating a good and bad life.

And there are times that I just wanted to runaway from it. There are times that I just wanted to pop out of reality and go to a world of my own… a world where I can be whoever I want to be and I can do whatever I want to do.

It’s kind of crazy. But it’s how I feel. You know, when you’ve been constantly scolded by your parents and everyone around you thinks that you’re a freak. When the world already turned its back from you. When the sun forgot to shine and darkness is all around.

When everybody is outspokenly humiliating me… I just can’t help it. I wish I was gone on a real far away land of fairytales. I wish I could just jump inside a book and live there. Forever… because I can’t go on with a fake smile every single day. I can’t go on with that mask all the time.

When pain drowns you, trust me, no matter how good a person you are, you’ll feel the same way. And you’ll realize that everybody is laughing, making fun of you. You’ll want to escape reality like I do. Not because you don’t want to be there anymore… but because it’s just hurting you so much. And no matter how fearless you are, you’re human. Your heart’s not a stone.

I’d always caught myself, staring at a distance, thinking of a life I always wanted to have. I know running away won’t change anything. I know, somehow, it might just make things worse. But nobody cares. So why would I?

If I run, no one will care. It will make no difference for them. They may not even bother looking for me. Why would they? Why waste their most precious time?

“No one’s there when you shed a tear

Nobody will care for you, my dear

That pain in your heart will not fade away

Only you can make it all okay.”

The Elf-Witch

Once upon a time, in a far away four-cornered kingdom of seniors who fight with pens and papers, in a battle of knowledge and learning. The Princess ruled the kingdom. She was supposed to control everything, together with her allied army. But there was a group of another army who wanted to sabotage her reign.

On a battle of numbers and conclusions, it was a cold night of brain draining, while the Princess is talking to her friends from the kingdom, the Elf-Witch made an appearance.

The Princess is talking with her friends about something funny and they were laughing quietly. Other people from the kingdom are out to recharge for the next part of the battle. The Main Ruler is writing the game plan. All of a sudden, the Elf-Witch gave the Princess and her friends an incredulous look and hushed them off. The Princess and her friends just looked at each other, annoyed at what the Elf-Witch did. They weren’t even talking too loud to be hushed.

On an afternoon of boredom, while the Princess is away and trying to prepare for a battle, the Elf-Witch goes to her friends. The Elf-Witch is supposed to do a job for one of the Main Rulers of giving copies of the game plan for battle to everyone in the kingdom, but she didn’t do her job. Instead, she said to Golden Voice (a friend of the Princess) in a wicked voice: “Here, do thy job you’re a friend of thee Princess.”

Golden Voice’s blood rose. And another friend, Book Smart, looked at her. Why are they being commanded by the Elf-Witch? When the Princess came, the kingdom is in distress. Golden Voice and Book Smart told her the story. The Princess took one look at the Elf-Witch, shook her and cursed the Elf-Witch.

Another day, when the battle did not start because the Main Ruler is gone, the kingdom is at distress again, a group of wizards and witches were preparing for the next battle. The Elf-Witch is standing in front of them. Her voice echoes on the four walls of the kingdom. Her remarkable snark can be seen in all directions. The Princess took a stand and told her to be quiet because they might cause trouble to a nearby kingdom. But the Elf-Witch seemed not to notice her. She continued and the Princess along with some of the people from the kingdom snorts.

Someone has to make her learn a lesson, the Princess thought. Yes, maybe she’s the one in charge of the gold and treasures of the kingdom, but she’s not the people’s head ruler.

And lastly, when it was about time to make strategies for battle, the Elf-itch is talking with her allies. One of people from the kingdom, Respected Lady, made a remark that what if the Main Ruler is not coming, then the battle won’t start. But she is not telling that exactly to anyone. Just a random thought that popped out of her head. But the Elf-Witch, snarled and said, “He’s here, already. Don’t make your own story!”

Respected Lady’s drawn eyebrows rose at that remark and she didn’t help herself and said, “Oh, Okay. I’m just assuming. I’m not even talking to you. And it’s quite late already.”

“But you’re making a story,” the Elf-Witch said in a false friendly voice. “I’m mad already.”

The Princess and her friends kept quiet, just listening. Sometimes, it’s really great to defeat the Elf-Witch. J

LoveLoveLove

-S-