GirlNextDooritis

The thing about moving on is that I know it's all just words. I don't
really move on. I just tell everyone that I'm moving on because I
think that's what they wanted to hear...because I was supposed to be
moving on.

But truth is, I'm not. I'm not moving on because no matter how much I
tell myself to do it, to forget, to get on with my life, I know I
can't.

I know there's still this part of me that would want to see him, to
talk to him, to be with him. There's still this stupid girl that is so
in love with him.

I'm being honest here so I better tell everything. I don't care if he
reads this because I care for him too much. To tell you the truth,
since that day that he told me that he wanted to try to work out
things between us, I've been patiently waiting for him. I know it's
stupid to wait especially since it's been more than two years already.
But I'm willing to be stupid if it means waiting for him.

I'm still not sure if he really had feelings for me or if it's just a
ridiculous little attraction that never blossomed. But call me the
girl who falls for Mr. Slow-Motion. I'm not sure if it ever crossed
his mind that I've been pinning for him all this time. I don't know if
he even realize how much I care for him.

I wanted to hate him. I wanted to hate everything about him. But I
just can't. I just can't bring myself to hold a grudge against him.
How can I when my feelings for him is much stronger than the hate I
could ever feel?

I know. I know it's really, really crazy and stupid and ridiculous and
pathetic. But maybe I'm just crazy and stupid and ridiculous and
pathetic. And I hate being crazy and stupid and ridiculous and
pathetic. But I think that's just how you're supposed to feel when
you're in love with a guy who doesn't love you back.


-S-