Just Another Cliche

You meet this one guy. You get closer. It all seems to be perfect for
a moment. Then someone stops trying. Somebody changed his mind.
Somebody else has no idea why. Then they begin to talk less. Awkward
conversations starts to go between...and memories and feelings starts
to fade.

It's a very cliche story but believe me, it happens. And when it does,
it's painfully devastating.

You feel giddy and excited and almost insane when he told you he had
this feelings for you. You were so happy to know that the feeling you
felt for him was mutual. And then one week later, he's long gone. He's
gone even before you were able to tell him how you felt for him.
Coward.

You have no idea what happened. Then when he came back, everything has
changed. He acted like he never confessed any feelings for you. He
acted like he never loved you. And you were left with all the
confusion in your head.

Now, as the feelings starts to fade, you wonder if it would really
just end there...would it really end when it hasn't even started?


-S-

College Chaos

The drama never stops. Everything seems to be messed up. And in
college, it's more complicated.

It's my last year. Few more months and I'm getting my diploma
(hopefully) and I'm out of the University. And in college, I've been a
different person. It's chaotic. It's frustrating. But it's funny
looking back at everything that happend four years ago.

I can still remember when I first stepped in BulSU... when I was
paying for examination fee... when I was accepted with the course and
major I chose... and the first day of classes.

I will never forget how awkward I looked on the first day. I was 17
and I had this really uncomfortable facial expression like I might
throw out because of nervousness. I'm nervour because I don't know
anyone around. I'm intimidated by all those cool kids who definitely
stand out among the crowd.

But seriously, now, who would thought that the same awkward girl would
be class president? I never did---let alone want it.

But whatever. Nothing's really chaotic. It's just my mind living in
total chaos. With all the projects, the exams, the requirements, and
all the freaking pressure of being a graduating student.

I've lost weight because of the hardworks and stress. And I can't
believe soon it will all be over. But I will miss college. All the
homeworks, the written reports, business plans, computations,
lectures, discussions, brain storming, overnights, classroom jokes,
trying to stay awake in class, doodling in the back of notebooks, and
just simply everything that happened in college.

I will MISS everything. I will MISS everyone. I'm sure few years from
now, I'll look back, reminisce and wish I'll be back to where I am
now...but I'll try to hold back the tears and smile that I proudly
made it though hell weeks, sleepless nights, stressful days, and every
cruel times of college.

I will look back... no matter how chaotic things become. :)


-S-

Nothing But Alone

Well, it's one of the facts that I recently learned. That no matter
how many friends you have, no matter how you thought they cared, at
the end of the day, you'll still end up with no one but yourself.

When you count your friends, do not count when you had your eyes open.
But count when they're closed...that's when you'll know who got your
back.

Most of the time, it's depressing to go by with just yourself. But
what else can you do? You have no one to turn to and no one wanted to
be with you. But it's not because you have no choice. You've got a lot
of options to choose from. But you'd rather chose to be alone than to
end up with someone who'd just left in the end.

When you're alone, there is lesser probability of getting hurt. But
most of the time, it's freaking lonely...not having someone to talk
to, someone to laugh with, or someone to be just by yourside when you
needed them. When like puts you in a quicksand of mess, no one will
take your hand and pull you up.

It's hard going by yourself everyday, because no one can like by
himself, right? You have to have someone by yourside. No matter who
that some is.


-S-

The Long-Gone Prince

The PRINCE. Well, actually, there's no prince...yet. But there could
have been. There could have been a prince if only he was brave enough
to fight for the Princess.

But he was weak. He was a coward. He was afraid to be hurt so he let
go...he let go of the Princess even before he got a hold on her.

But the Princess waited. She waited for so many years now, hoping,
wishing, praying that the Prince would change his mind...that he would
fight for her...that he would not let others to touch her.

But he did not do anything. He screwed up every chance she gaved him.
He's screwing up until now. And it makes the Princess insane. It makes
her feel frustrated, mad, desperate, annoyed, exasperated, and
helpless all at the same time. But one special feeling tops everything
inside her. One special feeling that keeps her hoping, keeps her
waiting for him...though she's not sure if he'll ever come around
again.

Maybe, just maybe, the Prince is waiting for the Princess to be in
distress before he come around. He's waiting for his chance to save
him. But doesn't he realize how much distress he's giving her by just
not showing around? Doesn't he realize that she's still human? That
any minute, that one special feeling that she felt for her might just
be nothing anymore.

The Princess might love the Prince...but that doesn't mean she'll love
him forever. That doesn't mean she's willing to wait that long. Not
when that right Knight in Shining Armor comes along.

How to Win the War?

The thing about not getting what you want is the frustration and
desperation that came along. The desperation that you really want
something, and the frustration that you can't have it.

When you're a Princess, people in the kingdom will thinj that you have
everything...but they just don't know how many things you've been
missing every single day. They just don't know how helpless you're
becoming each time you failed to get what you want.

The Princess doesn't even know how to get what she wanted. Or maybe
the right term was that she doesn't even know what she wants. There's
a little voice inside her that says she's too far...that she's too
damn far from what she wants. And it freaking annoys her. Deep down
inside, she's a sucker for getting everything...but not this time. Not
this time because what she wanted is not what she needed.

But still, there's that little hope inside her. There's that little
voice saying she can get what she wants, despite of all the voices
that tells her she can't.

The more the Princess thinks about it, the more real it becomes...the
more closer she felt. And with the right game plan, with the right
army on her side, she knew she can win the war.


-S-

Pretty Boy

Right from the start, I should have known
I should've realize I was better off on my own
How could I have been so stupid trusting you?
Why did I ever believe this love could be true?

I was starring off a distance by the window pane
Don't know if I'm waiting for a shooting star or an airplane
I'm going to wish you'd never changed your mind
Or maybe just blame myself for being so blind.

The radio's on, playing another beautiful, sad song
The lyrics just reminds me of how everything went so wrong
The pain inside creeps up every bit of me
I can't believe now you're just a memory.

It hurts to know that you never really cared
How stupid of me to think we're perfectly paired
Tonight I'll sleep replaying everything that happened
Or maybe because of you, I won't be able to sleep again.

One second you're here, now you're gone so fast
It's like a fantasy movie where we are the main casts
God, I wish I had the power to get you out my mind
'Cause my heart is broken, only pieces I can find.

I'll turn off the lights, maybe shut my feelings too
But I'm scared that tonight, I would still dream about you
One look, one smile; in the blink of an eye
I'll fall once more and for the same reason, again I'll cry.

Every Little Spaces Between

And so we met. I mean me and my high school best friend. We met again after almost 5 years being apart.

It's crazy. It felt weid actually. And I expected it to be so damn awkward. But it didn't. It's just great to see her again.

When I saw her, all my high school memories came rushing forward like a lightning bolt. How we go home from school together. How we exchanged letters to each other. How we kept each other's secrets and laugh at our own inside jokes. How we argue and got mad, ignoring each other. How we made up saying sorry with an awkward smile. It's just hard thinking that we've got separate lives now...that there is now a huge space between us.

It's hard catching up on each other's lives especially that too many things happened while we're apart...too many years passed that we hadn't have the time to actually talk.

But it wasn't long when she had to leave again. I was just trying to take the thought that I was actually with her but she's long gone already.

I'm risking the fact that she might be reading this. We don't tell each other that much. But I don't care.

If you'll stop by and read this. At least you'll know. You'll always be my bestfriend. No matter what happen.

I still had all the letters we exchanged. I'm keeping pictures. I'm keeping memories. I know we'll never be the same. But I hope we could at least try to fill every little space between us. I hope we could at least try to fill the gap.

Will I Ever Make It?

I'm struggling. I'm being this person again who can't finish what I started. And I'm struggling when it was only a month away before the first semester ends.

I don't know what to do. The quitter inside seems to be taking over me again. I know I shouldn't let it. But it's like that powerful force that gives me all these negative vibes.

I know I'm better than this. I know I'm stronger than this. I have all the motivation that I need. It's all up to me now. But it seems like my body won't obey me anymore. My mind won't processes anything useful. I've been so tired of doing everything I've done the past few weeks. It's been dauntingly stressful, and now, my body doesn't want to do it anymore.

I know it's now just a matter of choice. It's now up to me. But I know I'm tiree. I know I've done my best. And now, I have no idea if I can last for one more month.

Fingers crossed, I wish I can.




-S-

I Hate That I Hate You... Sometimes

 I know it’s insane to write this down here. But I b had no choice. I know I have to blurt it out somehow… ever I’m aware of the big risk of YOU reading this.

I know I shouldn’t hate you. I know you know I don’t hate you. But it’s crazy. I hate myself for hating you at times when you’re the most irritating and annoying person around. I know I act like the greatest actress on the planet. But seriously, I didn’t want to be a hating psychopath. I never want to be someone who has those hating grudges inside me. But everytime we’re together, I’m being the biggest sinner on earth.

I want YOU to read this. But I don’t want to tell your name. you’ll hate me back when you read this. You may even loath me. But just so you know, even though there are time that I hate you, I still care. I will always care.

I know. It’s odd. It’s weird.

But if ever you’re reading this, I’m sorry. And I promise that I will try not to hate you. Because when I’m realizing I hate you, I’m hating myself more. And that feeling sucks so bad.

I’m really, seriously, genuinely SORRY.

-S-

RUNAWAY PRINCESS

I know life has the mere tendency to be complicated. I know a lot of people consider it unfair. There’s that thick wall separating a good and bad life.

And there are times that I just wanted to runaway from it. There are times that I just wanted to pop out of reality and go to a world of my own… a world where I can be whoever I want to be and I can do whatever I want to do.

It’s kind of crazy. But it’s how I feel. You know, when you’ve been constantly scolded by your parents and everyone around you thinks that you’re a freak. When the world already turned its back from you. When the sun forgot to shine and darkness is all around.

When everybody is outspokenly humiliating me… I just can’t help it. I wish I was gone on a real far away land of fairytales. I wish I could just jump inside a book and live there. Forever… because I can’t go on with a fake smile every single day. I can’t go on with that mask all the time.

When pain drowns you, trust me, no matter how good a person you are, you’ll feel the same way. And you’ll realize that everybody is laughing, making fun of you. You’ll want to escape reality like I do. Not because you don’t want to be there anymore… but because it’s just hurting you so much. And no matter how fearless you are, you’re human. Your heart’s not a stone.

I’d always caught myself, staring at a distance, thinking of a life I always wanted to have. I know running away won’t change anything. I know, somehow, it might just make things worse. But nobody cares. So why would I?

If I run, no one will care. It will make no difference for them. They may not even bother looking for me. Why would they? Why waste their most precious time?

“No one’s there when you shed a tear

Nobody will care for you, my dear

That pain in your heart will not fade away

Only you can make it all okay.”

The Elf-Witch

Once upon a time, in a far away four-cornered kingdom of seniors who fight with pens and papers, in a battle of knowledge and learning. The Princess ruled the kingdom. She was supposed to control everything, together with her allied army. But there was a group of another army who wanted to sabotage her reign.

On a battle of numbers and conclusions, it was a cold night of brain draining, while the Princess is talking to her friends from the kingdom, the Elf-Witch made an appearance.

The Princess is talking with her friends about something funny and they were laughing quietly. Other people from the kingdom are out to recharge for the next part of the battle. The Main Ruler is writing the game plan. All of a sudden, the Elf-Witch gave the Princess and her friends an incredulous look and hushed them off. The Princess and her friends just looked at each other, annoyed at what the Elf-Witch did. They weren’t even talking too loud to be hushed.

On an afternoon of boredom, while the Princess is away and trying to prepare for a battle, the Elf-Witch goes to her friends. The Elf-Witch is supposed to do a job for one of the Main Rulers of giving copies of the game plan for battle to everyone in the kingdom, but she didn’t do her job. Instead, she said to Golden Voice (a friend of the Princess) in a wicked voice: “Here, do thy job you’re a friend of thee Princess.”

Golden Voice’s blood rose. And another friend, Book Smart, looked at her. Why are they being commanded by the Elf-Witch? When the Princess came, the kingdom is in distress. Golden Voice and Book Smart told her the story. The Princess took one look at the Elf-Witch, shook her and cursed the Elf-Witch.

Another day, when the battle did not start because the Main Ruler is gone, the kingdom is at distress again, a group of wizards and witches were preparing for the next battle. The Elf-Witch is standing in front of them. Her voice echoes on the four walls of the kingdom. Her remarkable snark can be seen in all directions. The Princess took a stand and told her to be quiet because they might cause trouble to a nearby kingdom. But the Elf-Witch seemed not to notice her. She continued and the Princess along with some of the people from the kingdom snorts.

Someone has to make her learn a lesson, the Princess thought. Yes, maybe she’s the one in charge of the gold and treasures of the kingdom, but she’s not the people’s head ruler.

And lastly, when it was about time to make strategies for battle, the Elf-itch is talking with her allies. One of people from the kingdom, Respected Lady, made a remark that what if the Main Ruler is not coming, then the battle won’t start. But she is not telling that exactly to anyone. Just a random thought that popped out of her head. But the Elf-Witch, snarled and said, “He’s here, already. Don’t make your own story!”

Respected Lady’s drawn eyebrows rose at that remark and she didn’t help herself and said, “Oh, Okay. I’m just assuming. I’m not even talking to you. And it’s quite late already.”

“But you’re making a story,” the Elf-Witch said in a false friendly voice. “I’m mad already.”

The Princess and her friends kept quiet, just listening. Sometimes, it’s really great to defeat the Elf-Witch. J

LoveLoveLove

-S-

The girl who loves Taylor Swift

Most people don’t know my name… but they know me as the girl who loves Taylor Swift.

It started when I saw a pretty girl in the magazine. I don’t really recognize her but I know it was fate. I know there was that connection. Maybe there’s the imaginary silver line between us.

I used to listen to “Teardrops on my guitar” but I never knew who sang it, let alone who wrote it. But when I heard the song “Love Story”, I could get my ears away from it. I used to call it as “the song about Romeo and Juliet”. It was the line “You’ll be the Prince and I’ll be the princess” that made me really, really fall n love with it. And the fact that she gave Romeo and Juliet’s story a happy ending is another thing to count.

After that, I learned a lot about her. It’s funny because when my classmates wanted to know something about her, they don’t Google it. They ask it straight to me. It’s crazy that whenever her name was mentioned, they’ll look at me like saying “we know you’re smiling inside”. But I don’t consider myself obsessed. Maybe I’m just dedicated. I’m loyal. How can’t I when she’s my role model.

She’s the best example of how a person should act. Maybe it was just a little off when it come to love. As she said, “I’m smart unless I’m in love.” Maybe, some people don’t like her because all she’d written in songs are things that happened to her. But that’s how she relates most to her fans. That’s how she makes the connections to the best fans in the world--- because she sings the things that every girl wanted to say. And every time, there’s always that one or two Taylor Swift song that best describe my current situation.

Another thing maybe is that I feel like I can see myself in her. Like her, I’ve been rejected. I’ve been called names. I’ve been in love with the person who can’t love me back. I’ve written poems, novels. I love country music.

I told myself, one day, I’ll be able to meet her. One day, I’ll go to Nashville. I even prepared what I’m going to say to her when that moment comes. I’ll put it in my pocket in case I’d be so dumdfounded. I had that little speech going about how she changed my life. How important she is to me.

It’s crazy to think I’m pretty in love in everything she does. I’m considering her songs as my personal anthems.

This may get like a novel if I continue. So more Taylor swift in my future posts. J

LoveLoveLove

-S-

The Reckless Princess

I’m not literary a princess. I’m just someone who believes in fairytales, Prince Charmings, and happy endings… no matter how cheesy it may seem. I grew up believing I could be Cinderella, the girl who lost a pair of glass slippers but ended up marrying the Prince. Maybe I could be Cinderella. I’m still waiting for that time that I’ll lose something, and found my prince.

I grew up in a family where the so-called “happy ending” is a big issue. Everyone stays together in the end. But they were never happy. When I was younger, I used to think like them. That happy endings were not real. That it was just a myth. But didn’t that think that maybe it was just a far-fetched proposition. Maybe it was something that is only given to those who believe in it.

When everyone around me is going so cynical about happy endings, I continued to believe in it even more. I don’t care what they think because it’s something that makes me interested of life… believing that you can be happy in the end. 

Why would you care to wake up another day when you know things will get worse, right? Why would you bother to struggle through life when you know you’ll end up miserable?

Maybe I’m a little too optimist. Maybe I’m being a little too romantic too. That’s what others say. But I view life in a fairytale perspective. That all those good will be rewarded one day, and all those bad will always be defeated in the end.

Like in fairytales, there are always the bad guys, the witches, the evil step-mothers and sisters. There are always those people who wanted to ruin your day. They make your life worse with all the things they’re going to do to you.

In my world, witches are everywhere. But they do not use spells and poisonous apples. Instead, they act as friends, and then they’ll stab you at your back.

But antagonists make the story interesting, don’t they? They provide the conflict that everybody loves to read in a story.

But whatever.

I’m still a princess. With or without a prince. With or without a crown. J

LoveLoveLove,

-S-